The harsh truth or should i say the sad reality is that Joan rivers is dead i mourn not because she died (please she is 81 her daughter is 46 is she waiting for rapture?)i mourn because the world would be a less honest place without her i mourn that even though her genre of comedy was insult comedy, yet she used it to say the truth.She didn't give a fig about what anybody thought about her i watch fashion police on E! most times for no other reason than just to hear her speak with her hoarse voice I keep expecting her to rise up after two days calling it all a big joke,any way here are some things she has said so far that may inspire you to think and also laugh then think again.
The key to her success:
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Why laughter is essential to living:
Life is very tough. If you don’t laugh, it’s tough.
Why the in-crowd isn’t everything:
I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
On knowing who’s boss:
I’ve learned from doing my own show with Fox that people
are not your partners if they’re signing the checks. Whoever signs your
paycheck is the boss – no matter what they tell you.
On living life:
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if
it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive. Things are
happening.
Why you should never take yourself too seriously:
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Why it’s okay to skip your workout:
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
On accepting your shortcomings:
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
On waiting until marriage:
She’s so pure, Moses couldn’t even part her knees.
On body image:
I hate thin people; ‘Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?’
The extent of human stupidity:
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in World War Eleven.
Feminist theory:
No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
On staying put:
If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.
On birth control:
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
On money and happiness:
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
A classic insult:
She’s so fat, she’s my two best friends.
On motherhood:
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single
day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, ‘Pick up, I know
you’re there.’
Thoughts about her love life:
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.
On aging:
Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60.
Why we love America:
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the
limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to
television.
A fat joke to steal:
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
On her many facelifts:
I wish I had a twin so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
Why you should consider shaving:
She’s so hairy – when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.
On celibacy:
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
On forgetfulness:
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer’s. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
The upside of colonics:
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
On Lindsay Lohan:
I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.
Why newborns are so cute:
All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
On geriatric sex:
I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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